Even when your immediate reaction is yes, your bridesmaid-ship is not carved in stone. From the moment you agree to become a bridesmaid to the actual wedding day, there are a million factors that can change…Especially if it’s a long engagement! Any number of things can happen to affect your ability to be a hands -on, hassle-free bridesmaid – changes either in your own life or related to the bride and her wedding plans …So, when is it okay to back out?

Of course, every situation is different….so, as is always our disclaimer on this blog, the following is not based on any sort of “proper etiquette” (I believe that 90% of etiquette depends on the situation anyway), but just my feelings…

You should back out of being a bridesmaid if…

-          You hate the groom – and you are pretty sure the bride knows it

-          You like the groom….a little too much maybe?

-          You are technically on the “grooms side”, and don’t feel that close to the bride or the group of bridesmaids (and feel downright uncomfortable being included in her group)

-          You move a thousand miles away

-          You get laid off, fired, or have a drastic change in life circumstances

-          The location of the wedding changes

-          Your best friend decides to get married the same day/weekend (It may seem rude at first to have a “hierarchy of friends”, but obviously your sister or life-long BFF trumps your office mate or the bride who just needed an 8^th bridesmaid because her groom has 8 brothers)

-          You get pregnant and the wedding will be during your 9^th month!

-          Your friendship with the bride changes dramatically due to a fight or some other issue that can’t be worked through

Ultimately, backing out if you need to can actually be a gift to the bride, who should be surrounded by friends who are able to be supportive and can help her throughout the wedding process.

I’d love to hear you weigh in – when is it okay or not okay? Have you ever said no, or changed your mind?